Friday, May 25, 2012
A case of the uglies
I try to think of positive things to say when I come on here, even though there are times I can't seem to manage it even a little. But we all have moments like that, don't we? Moments when we can't hold the uglies in any longer and we explode - one way or another.
I'm a firm believer if you take the time to see the good and pass it along, everyone will be much happier in the long run. This is what I've been trying to do. When I post on here, when I write a status on facebook, when I tweet - I embrace the K.I.S. method and also keep it nice (or silly or stupid).
Times can be hard when you're alone as much as I am. I have my son, yes, and I live in a time where technology allows me to talk to so many - but alone I still am. Last night, as I wrote in my journal, I thought a lot about that word. "Alone" and compared to to "Lonely" - at times I am this very thing, just like you are. I want to hear a kind word, just like you do.
The humanity of it made me pull the reigns on my little moment of doubt and embrace the truth. That what I need lies inside of me - the answers to all the question I have, and if I listen I'll hear them. I know that the strength I need is there too, but some times it hides behind the doubts I feel I need to hold on to - because it makes me what? I have no clue.
Why do we torture ourselves with doubts and fears that are totally and completely unsubstantiated? Because we think that's how it has to be.
Right now some of you are thinking, "Yeah, that's how it is Aryn." But why? Why?
When you were a child you were fearless and free and thought you could do anything, but as an adult you are cautious and careful and you hold back so you won't get hurt. When did that happen?
We should all be a little more fearless in what we say and do, especially when it concerns our well being and our heart. We should be kind and we should be learn to edit cruel commentary. We should recognize that we aren't "better" than anyone and that life is neither a contest or a competition.
But we should be fearless.
You can have compassion and be fearless.
You can be fearless and reach your dreams without stomping on the dreams of others.
I hate the uglies in my life and I hate the doubts and fears. I hate the voices I hear of people from my past and of myself telling me I'm a failure and a loser and ugly and stupid and terrible and whatever else I can come up with at that moment - but just like it's my choice to listen to them - to listen to me - it's also my choice not to.
It's my choice to tell me that I'm smart - because I am and so are you.
It's my choice to tell me that I'm beautiful - because I am and so are you.
It's my choice to tell me that I'm worth it, that I deserve better, that I deserve more - because we do.
It's my choice to tell me that I'm not a failure, that I'm not a loser, and that I'm not a bad person - because I'm not.
Just like it's your choice to do the same.
The truth and reality of life is the simplicity of this fact - You are in control of your life.
Because you are.
That's why I come on here and try to write positive posts and why I don't go on facebook and complain about the remedial idiosyncrasies that roll over into our lives. If we spent half as much time looking at all the greatness we have in our lives as we do all the complete and udder shit - wouldn't we just be happier? Yes we would.
So maybe things aren't working on the time table you set out - well guess what? It's not for me either. What does that mean? Nothing - keep going. Keep working. Keep trying. Keep smiling.
Do what you love.
Love what you do.
Say thank you.
Say I love you.
Hug too long.
Laugh too hard.
And stop picking at yourself like a vulture on carrion.
If you're breathing and you're reading this there is still time to do all those things you wanted to do.
If you're reading this stop with the excuses and just GO FOR IT.
And if you're reading this - thank you.
Take a moment, every day, to remind yourself of the good things you've done - not just the bad and take full credit for both. Take control of your life - you'll thank you for it. I promise.